What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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