The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
