Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
