ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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