I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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