You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
