Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
