Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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