Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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