so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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