Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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