My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize