I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
