Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
