Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
