I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
