So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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