I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
