wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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