dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize
