Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
