From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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