I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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