Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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