Soap is not a condiment
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
