its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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