I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
