and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
