That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I accidentally burped into my bong.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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