hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
