i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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