like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
