she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
