Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
