I hope mine doesn't look like that
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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