i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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