I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
