yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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