the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
