Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
