Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
