The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my poor anus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
