How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
