Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
