so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't deserve a penis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
