Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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