Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
