hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
