is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
