Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
