i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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