A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
