What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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