Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
