why didn't you poke me back
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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