Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
