i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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