She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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