if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
