I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
