dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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