; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Alive.
So much puke
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
