Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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