I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
