New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
