Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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