Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
