omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
