just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
