i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
