a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
