I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
